Identifying and avoiding narcissists

I do not like the current use of the words narcissist or sociopath or psychopath. Their definitions are confused enough to make them simply useless terms of abuse.

I prefer the theory I came across many years ago - "I" levels, or the level of the ego.

"I" level 1
When a child is born they are "I" level 1. They ARE the universe.

"I" level 2
Very quickly they evolve from "I" level 1 to 2. They are the centre of a benign universe that exists for them.

"I" level 3
The next stage is for the child to realise that, whilst they still view themselves as the centre of the universe, there are beings revolving around them, some of which are acting in their interests and some of which are acting against them. They love those who are acting for them and hate those who are acting against them. For most this period extends well into the teenage years.

"I" level 4
At this stage the person develops sympathy. They develop an awareness that other people exist in their own right as separate beings. They are able to sympathise with others if they have had a similar experience. Even if an individual acts against them, they may be able to grasp why, and understand that the other person has the right to do what they have done.

"I" level 5
Allegory of Compassion, Cesare Ripa
At this stage the person develops empathy. With empathy, one person is able to understand another being even where they have not had a similar experience. They are able to attune to the other person, go through what that person is going through, and feel that experience as the other person is experiencing it.

"I" levels 6 & 7
These are the higher spiritual levels that need not concern us here.

So where do normal people sit?
The documents I read on this theory claimed that MOST men stop developing at "I" level 3, and MOST women stop developing at "I" level 4. Occasional individuals develop to "I" level 5.

"I" level 3 and psychopaths
Psychopaths and narcissists, as they are currently defined, are "I" level 3 individuals. This does not mean that they run around killing people. They are individuals who love you for how you make them feel, and when you are no longer making them feel good, they hate you. Many romantic relationships, when they end, go from love to hate instantly. This is a sign of "I" level 3 development level. "I loved you when you make me feel good and now I hate you because you make me feel bad." This does not determine how the individual acts out that feeling of hate. When a man kills his wife and child if she plans to leave him, this is an example of an "I" level 3 individual acting out very badly. Some may even turn into psychopathic killers, but most do not. Most move on, still hating the past partner but finding a new partner to make them feel good. Many corporate bosses are also on this level. They look after their staff while the staff serve their perceived needs, and they summarily dismiss them when they no longer serve their perceived needs. The military works entirely on this level when they demonise the enemy - you are against us so you must be bad.

"I" level 4 and sympathy
At the time I read this material, most women were placed at "I" level 4. At this stage, their awareness has separated from "the other" and they are able to perceive that "the other" exists in their own right, with their own rights, wishes and desires. However, they still tend to only approve of those who have a similar culture to their own. They only sympathise with people who are very similar.  There seems to be two levels of these people.

The lower level does not experience sympathy without having it pointed out. If you want to solicit understanding from a lower "I" level 4 individual, you can obtain it from these people if you point out how the "I" level 4 has had the same experience as you and incite them to remember how they felt. If the individual is borderline 3 & 4 you have to keep actively soliciting the sympathy by consistently pointing out their own experience and how it is similar to yours. At a higher level, some are able to experience sympathy without it being solicited. These people tend to project their own feelings onto you and take on a mothering role, whether you want it or not - but you will experience kindness from them.

My observation currently is that the female population no longer developing to "I" level 4 and is joining men at "I" level 3.  In addition, individuals who were operating at a higher level are degenerating, so there is something actively interfering with their "I" level functioning. There are many possible reasons for this, and one simple reason may be "carer fatigue". Many of our population are so overwhelmed that they have little time and energy left to act on any sympathy they may feel for others.

"I" level 5 and empathy

This is the level that most spiritual practitioners of all types want to think they are living at. These people feel for other people even when they have not had the experience for themselves. They understand people, they understand difference. They are able to "walk a mile in my shoes". They are more likely to be found operating in nature with plants and animals which relate purely on this level. Animal whisperers and gardeners with a "green thumb" are "I" level 5 people. Many of these people have shut off their empathy for human beings because the price is too high and the experience too destabilising. Many spiritual teachers end up being very intolerant of other human beings and withdrawing. Look at the history of Gurdjieff or Krishnamurti to see how spiritual teachers who stay engaged with the lower "I" levels become very bad tempered and intolerant.

This is the level that spiritual practitioners hope human beings are evolving to. At this level we can communicate without words, we can "feel" for one another. Clearly, when we are tapped into how the other being is feeling, and experience their feelings in our own bodies, we cannot harm them. We naturally care about them, and if we can, we care for them. We are compassionate.

The remaining two levels are those we imagine as ascended beings or saints. They have a complete mastery of the laws of nature and do not fall victim to the negative emotions of the human bodies. Good luck to them. I have yet to meet one in the flesh - that I know of anyway. I will settle for life with other "I" level 5 individuals. That would be pleasant enough for now.

No comments:

Post a Comment